Every time I tried playing my own songs the guitar chords either came out wrong and jumbled, or I start playing a cover song when I'm trying to play a original
Then I start playing on Cavenagh St in Darwin as if I'm busking
I'm playing 'Drive' by 'Incubus' but the chords are completely wrong
Even though I'm playing the wrong notes, it comes out sounding like they are the right notes
In fact the notes are the exact same 'wrong notes' not my original song I tried playing earlier
Then I'm with a group of people that seem like criminals of some sort
We are getting ready for a performance or something, though I'm not sure it is music
I get into a gold coloured Ford F150 pickup truck with one of them
It feels like he is taking me to pay the registration on my car and get my license
I tell him I've paid my registration till December and it's OK. I don't need to pay it
It feels like they are trying to help me out with something
I sense I don't have a uniform for whatever it is we are getting ready for, or going to do and that they want to get one for me
I tell him that it's fine. I'm happy to pay for the uniform, just take me to get it
He seems annoyed, angry or upset, but not at me
Next thing I know we are driving through the front window of a shop that is closed on a Sunday, making a massive hole so the Ford can drive inside
I initially think we are there to steal the work clothes that I need for whatever we are doing, but the truck literally plows into the clothes racks and drives through them
It towns around inside and comes to a stop next to all the guitars and amps
He tells me to grab the guitars
I jump out of the truck and quickly grab all the electric guitars in cases and stack them in the back of the pickup
I grab a bass guitar in it's case and stack in the back as well
Then I yell out to the driver to wait a second, while I grab two small Peavy guitar amps for the guitar and bass
I would have grabbed something bigger, but they didn't have any bigger amps
I make sure I get the power supplies and power boards that go with them
Once the back is stacked up with all the working guitars and amps I can see, I jump in the pickup tray all the musical equipment and we drive off
As we are driving off a gold coloured VS Commodore (or similar year model) with some old men inside, drives up to the shop frantically checking it, as if they are/were responding to a alarm or something
I didn't hear any alarm though
Maybe someone rang them
We drive off up the service road from the shop and instead of stopping at the shop, they start following us
Even though they seem to be following us, somehow it seems like they haven't seen us. They are looking and pointing everywhere but at us. It is as if they can't see us and they are looking for whoever broke in, when we are right in front of them and it would be impossible for them to not see us
I try to call to the driver to warn him about them, without screaming out and possibly drawing attention to us, in case they really haven't seen us
They turn out onto the main road, running parallel with the service road. They are looking over towards us as I try again to warn the driver
I see a flash of the drumkits and PA systems back in the shop along with guitar pedals, effects and other instruments
It is as if in being asked "Do you want these?"
I think momentarily that it is a shame we didn't get the drum kit as well
As I think it, the driver turns off the service road in the opposite direction of those following us and we are instantly back at the shop
Again he drives into the smashed open front window of the shop and parks in front of the drum kit
It seems as though we have lead them away, so we could go back and get the rest
Or maybe, we were only going to take the guitars, but because they decided to follow us and hassle us, the driver likewise decided we should go back and take everything
I jump out and frantically start loading all the pieces in
It seems like the more equipment I load in, the more appears
Cables, effects boards, drum equipment, PA speakers and cables, speaker stands
I grab everything possible, including the power boards from the walls to plug everything into
I am worried as I'm loading it all that I'm taking too long and we will get caught. Enough so I consider asking the driver to get out and help me
But I sense the answer immediately, that they can't get out of the driver's seat, they have to stay there ...
And that I don't need to worry about people coming to stop me or catch us, just grab everything I can. I've got time
So I took everything musical, of use, that I could find
I filled up the entire back of the truck, to the point I'm worried some might fall out as we are driving, because it's all loaded up in a big pile
It should be alright though
I woke up feeling a little confused, because I would never rob a store like this (or anyone) ...
And something told me that we weren't robbing them, we were stealing something back that they took from me
We were stealing back my music
So I think that initially, I was telling them that it didn't matter, that I would just work for living (hence the uniform) ...
And they decided that no, the wasn't acceptable
So they smashed in to get what was mine
Then, I took only the bare minimum of what I needed, of what was mine
A couple small guitars and small amp/small pieces of the pie
But when they decided to chase us and try take even that small piece back off me ...
Whoever was driving decided to teach them a lesson and give me everything they had to offer
I woke up from the dream before I finished loading everything into the truck, but I'm pretty sure we took EVERYTHING
By everything, I mean that I was looking at the trumpets, trombones and other instruments sitting in their cases and wondering if I could fit them in the truck
I wanted to take everything
EVERYTHING
Mute than just this though ...
I also got a sense that those following us on the gold Holden Commodore couldn't seem to see us, because they were us
They actually represented a phased version of us, that was helping us to take back was ours
That weren't chasing us, they are correlated version of us, running a parallel but opposite course, that prevented us and what we were doing from being interfered with
I also got the sense that the old men in the car were in Grandfather Vincent and my old Uncle Allan (mums Uncle, not mine, but we called him 'Uncle Allan')
They were somehow helping me steal back what belongs to me
Hopefully this means my love of music returns soon
I miss playing the guitar and singing
I've been so miserable since I stopped
But, It's not that I don't want to play or sing, but more like there is no point ...
There is no reason because it feels like nobody wants to hear me ...
Like there is no-one worth playing and singing for
Worst of all, all the music I used to hear in my mind, I can't hear any more
I used to sit and listen to my own music playing in my head and I could hear it clear as if I had earphones in ...
Now, even if I try force it, I can barely hear it
It's like the volume has been turned down so low, you can't even make out the music, even when you are listening for it
And what you can hear is confused, it keeps changing its key and getting confusing, till I can't even remember what key the song is
It's like I've lost my ability to hear pitch as well as sound
So there is no point
Maybe when the beautiful light and love of my life Bradie returns to my life, I'll have a muse worth playing for and it might come back
I hope it comes back soon. Living in this world seems pointless without it
I used to tell people "If it wasn't for my music, I don't think I'd still be here in this world"
Well, I was right. Because this world sucks without music
Bradie is the only good thing I have that keeps me going without music
And even then, I don't even have her as my friend ...
So all she really is, is something to make me smile when I feel like shit
A reason to be happy. Like remembering kittens exist
"Bradie exists" 😥 ... 😊
Then .... 😥
I miss my music 💔
I miss Bradie 💔
I think the two might be related
Because it seems like all love I had for music left my world, when Bradie did
Without her it feels like there is no reason to play and nobody to play for
*sigh*
If I had both of them in my life? This world would be a amazing place to live
It would be perfect 😍🌎
Till then ....
*sigh*
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